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Topic
The topic I want to talk about is that high schools should all have a course on drug and alcohol abuse. I had a class like this in high school but it didn't talk about drugs and alcohol in a descriptive way and they didn't show images or videos of people who took them and the aftermath of it. Since I heard that 2 people from my high school overdosed, I think that this topic would be good for me to talk about.
Overall I would say that the paper does eventually get the main points across its just not necessarily clear what the main points are from the beginning. The paper gives several examples of what is being written and the quotes I feel are very strong because of the sources that they are coming from. The interview could be used more because I feel like with a person like that, that you could really use that to your advantage and use more of her quotes. I feel that the paragraphs that are there could be fleshed out a little more with the use of more of the interview. Organizationally there were a few things that were over the place but could be easily fixed.
ReplyDeleteThe amount of topics was appropriate to cover a good amount of material but I think the addition of a language subtitle and explanation of the language in the academic section would greatly strengthen that section. Since the language was discussed in the non-academic part I almost felt like something was missing because there was much to compare to in terms of language between the two genres. The explanation of some quotes is great but I would continue to explain on some quotes that were lacking more of an in depth explanation.
The beginning of your paper gave a nice little overview of the topic but I feel like it ended short because I was left to guess a little at what the main point was before I had read the rest of the paper. I was eventually able to figure out the point of the paper when you had mentioned it later on but up until that point I was lost. I would recommend putting the main point right at the end of the introduction and to the reader it would make much more sense. I felt that the transitions were appropriate for this type of paper since most was broken up with titles and sub titles.
I had noticed a few errors when looking at the actual format of your paper and how it was laid out. The errors really weren't all that big of a deal because you had done them correctly throughout most of the paper. The things that I had seen were inconsistent indentation and text that was centered in stead of being pushed to the right. Some titles were also in the middle when they should've been on the left as to not be thought of as a new title rather than a sub title.